Can Being Popular Cause Problems?

A Note From the LA Teen Therapist & Life Coach

Some people prefer to have just a few very close friends, while others like to experience a variety. – Sandra

“I sit with different people at lunch on a day to day basis. My friends think that I am not sitting with them because I do not like them. What should I do?”

It sounds like you get along with, and are well liked by many people.

It can be challenging when friends have different definitions of what they think friendship means. To some people, being a friend means that you spend all your time with them. Others may be understanding of the fact that you may have more than one friend, or group of friends.

I think it could be helpful to talk to the people who are complaining, and find about their definition of friendship.

If your friends are merely feeling a little insecure, re-assuring them that they are still very important to you may help them to let go of the fear that you no longer like them. If they are the possessive type, and don’t want to share you with anyone else, you will have to let them know that your definition of friendship may be different than theirs.

After talking with them, if there are some who are still being critical of your choices, you may need to decide if they are worth your giving up all of your other friends to be with them. This is entirely up to you.

The bottom line is, that as much as you might want to, you can’t please everyone all of the time. You can, however, do your best to be honest and clear about who you are, and what you want.

In this way, the people who are comfortable with your definition of friendship will be happy to spend time with you.


“The best example of Sandra’s work is in my daughter’s renewed enthusiasm and attitude towards life. My daughter now sees every problem as one that can be solved, every uncomfortable experience as an opportunity to learn and grow. Sandra’s work with my daughter has helped her become a more secure, confident and happy individual.”

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